"Family Feud" surveys | Season 23

We asked 100 men...
Where's the number one place you are when you think about sex?

100

BEDROOM/HOME	80	BEACH/NUDE ONE	3
WORK	9	EARTH/EVERYWHERE	2
BAR/DANCE CLUB	3
THE CAR	3

We asked 100 married men...
Between us, what do you reach for when you see your wife leave the house?

100

THE REMOTE	55	WALLET	2
BEER	26	HER CLOTHES/TO WEAR	2
PHONE/CALL SIDE BABE	10
SNACKS	5

We asked 100 women...
What would you hate to find out about an ex-lover when you Google his name?

100

SERIAL KILLER/CON	46	DEAD/WORM FOOD	5
HE'S BALLIN'	19	GAY/DATES OTHER EX	3
HEAVILY DISEASED	14
MARRIED/TO J.LO	13

In an all-nude orchestra, what instrument would offer little coverage?

FLUTE/PICCOLO	73	TRUMPET	3
VIOLIN/FIDDLE	12	HARMONICA	2
TRIANGLE	6
CLARINET	3

The farmer slept in the barn after he told his wife she reminds him of what farm animal?

BESSIE THE COW	54	WOOLLY SHEEP	2
JUICY PIG	32	NAGGING GOAT	2
STUBBORN DONKEY	5
RAUCOUS CHICKEN	4

Name something the Wicked Witch of the West envied about Glinda the Good Witch.

CUTE FACE	51	ALWAYS CHEERY	4
CHIC OUTFIT/CROWN	18	BIGGER BOOBS	2
GOOD/LOVED	15
HOT GINGER HAIR	9

Name a reason you might remove your pants quickly.

EXPLOSIVE DUMP/PEE	47	DIRTY/WET	7
CAUGHT FIRE	19	HOT/COOL OFF	4
ANTS/BUGS	14
TO BOP A HOTTIE	8

Not that you need one, but which of the seven dwarfs would you least like to have as your defense lawyer?

DOPEY	44	DOC	5
SLEEPY	28	HAPPY	2
GRUMPY	14
BASHFUL	6

We asked 100 married men...
Name something you'd do if your wife said she's pregnant with triplets.

HAVE A DRINK/OR TEN	41	SMILE/LAUGH	6
FAINT	24	NEVER RETIRE	3
CRY/SCREAM	18
LEAVE HER	7

If your house were recently a crime scene, what would you do to get it ready for sale?

CLEAN/BLEACH IT	66	HYPE CRIME/HAUNTED	2
PAINT IT	15	REMOVE POLICE TAPE	2
NEW CARPET/FLOORS	8
LIST IT/PICS	5

Name something you don't stick your finger in, at least when someone's looking at you.

BOOGER BAKERY	66	UNDIES/PANTS	2
MOUTH/PIE HOLE	13	EAR	2
BOWEL CANAL	8
FOOD/PEANUT BUTTER	7

Name something Cinderella told her friends happened to her that they found unbelievable.

MET PRINCE	62	FAIRY GODMOTHER	2
PUMPKIN COACH	13	WENT TO BALL	2
GLASS SLIPPERS	11
MICE PALS/MADE DRESS	8

Loser Bob bragged to the florist that the flowers he's buying are for his sexy girlfriend. Who are they really for?

HIS MOM	60	HIS SISTER	3
HIS WIFE	19	HIS SEXY BOYFRIEND	2
HIMSELF	8
HIS BOSS/COWORKER	6

Fill in the blank: A married woman might say, "I never ever want to find another woman's ______ on my husband."

LIPSTICK	52	LIPS/MOUTH	6
PERFUME/STANK	22	HANDS/ARMS	4
HAIR	8
PANTIES/CLOTHES	6

We asked 100 women...
Name an article of clothing it would take a man an hour to get off of you.

BRA	52	WEDDING DRESS	3
CORSET/SPANX	21	SKINNY JEANS/PANTS	2
HOSE/TIGHTS	15
WAIST-HIGH BOOTS	5

We asked 100 men...
Name something you like your girlfriend to do to your face.

KISS IT	47	COMPLIMENT IT	3
TOUCH/RUB IT	20	LICK IT	2
SHAVE IT	15
HAVE A SEAT	11

Name a place you'd be surprised a preacher went right after church.

BAR/CLUB	44	HOLY ROLLER CASINO	3
STRIP JOINT	43	LIQUOR STORE	2
HO HOUSE	3
HOOTERS	3

Name something a man might have in common with his underpants.

DIRTY/STINKY	44	LOUSY/BAD	3
COLOR/WHITE	21	SAGGY	2
OLD/WORN OUT	18
CARE FOR HIS "GOODS"	10

Fill in the blank: There's a specific reason Bob calls his mother-in-law "cow." It's because she ______s like one.

EATS/CHEWS	42	WALKS/MOVES	7
LOOKS/IS BUILT	33	BREATHES/SNORTS	2
SMELLS	7
BELLOWS/MOOS	7

We asked 100 single men...
You could never date a woman if she looked like your who?

MOTHER	39	DOG	5
SISTER	20	FATHER	5
EX	17
GRANDMA	12

We asked 100 men...
Name something you'd do to get out of cuddling.

TIRED/FAKE SLEEP	32	HIDE IN BATHROOM	5
"SICK"/HEADACHE	31	LEAVE/GO HOME	2
DISHES/CHORES	20
FART	8

If the cop who pulled you over was family, what might you be surprised he still did to you?

GAVE TICKET	78	LECTURED/YELLED	2
ARRESTED/CUFFED	10	STRIP SEARCH	2
ASKED FOR ID	3
LET ME GO	2

Name an occupation that the better they look, the more money they make.

MODEL	65	LAWYER	3
STRIPPER	12	HO/GIGOLO	3
ACTOR	10
SERVER/BARTENDER	4

We asked 100 married men...
My wife's bottom is like a big, soft what?

PILLOW	65	COTTON BALL	3
MARSHMALLOW	9	FRUIT/MELON	2
STUFFED ANIMAL	9
JELL-O/PUDDING	9

Name something starting with the letter K that a wife might do to her husband.

KISS HIM	62	KNOCK HIM/OUT	3
KILL HIM	17	KEEP THE LOSER	2
KICK HIM	10
KNIFE HIM	3

Name something a male stripper might put on before performing.

COSTUME/G-STRING	58	FAKE BULGE	3
BABY OIL	22	COME-DO-ME SMILE	2
DEODORANT	7
COLOGNE	5

We asked 100 men...
What would you do if, at the beach, you found the top half of a bikini?

LOOK FOR OWNER	49	WEAR IT	3
LEAVE IT	31	HIDE IT	2
LOOK FOR BOTTOMS	9
THROW IT AWAY	3

We asked 100 married women...
Name something you've done to your man's behind.

SPANK/PAT	46	SHAVE IT	3
PINCH/GRAB	29	SCRATCH IT	2
RUB IT	12
KISS IT	5

Name a reason you open your mouth very wide.

FOR DENTIST	46	TO YELL	2
TO YAWN	27	SHOCKED	2
EAT/JUICY BURGER	18
BRUSH AND FLOSS	2

Tell me a gemstone a stripper might use as her stage name.

RUBY	43	OPAL	4
DIAMOND	36	EMERALD	3
SAPPHIRE	6
JADE	5

Name something that's bad for you.

TOBACCO	41	DRINKING DRANO	2
SWEETS/FOODS	32	TV/THE NEWS	2
BOOZE	12
DRUGS	8

We asked 100 women...
Your boyfriend has loads of pictures of his ex posted on social media but none of you. What do you do?

DUMP HIS ARSE!	39	POST PICS OF ME	3
MAKE HIM DELETE	25	IGNORE/SO BE IT	2
CONFRONT	24
CRY	4

Tell me the worst thing to happen while you're making love in the woods.

BEAR/WILD ANIMAL	34	SPLINTER/POKED	9
POISON IVY/ON LOINS	22	RAIN/LIGHTNING	2
BUG BITE/ATTACK	20
FOLKS SEE/TAKE PIC	10

Name some news you'd be surprised to hear about Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg.

LOVERS/MARRIED	83	FUGITIVES	2
OPENED WEED BIZ	3	THEY'RE FEUDING	2
PREGGERS	3
RAPPING TOGETHER	3

We asked 100 women...
If your boyfriend broke up with you at dinner, you'd stand up and do what?

LEAVE/"BYE"	66	FLIP TABLE OVER	2
THROW FOOD/DRINK	21	CRY	2
YELL/"U SUCK IN BED"	3
SLAP/PUNCH HIM	2

Name something you like done to your buns.

TOASTED/WARMED	58	SPANKED	3
BUTTERED	23	SPICED	2
RUBBED/SQUEEZED	5
ICED/GLAZED	5

Name something on your body that you have more than two of.

FINGERS/NAILS	58	MOLES	3
TOES	19	TATTOOS	3
HAIRS	9
TEETH	4

We asked 100 married women...
It might be grounds for divorce if you discovered that while you were giving birth, your husband was doing what?

CHEATING	50	SOC. MEDIA/POST'G VID	3
TEXTING	16	SLEEP'G/PASSED OUT	3
WATCHING TV	12
PLAY'G SPORTS	12

Fill in the blank: A man would be in trouble if he compared his wife's ______ to a cow's.

BUTT/DUMPER	42	TONGUE	3
TEATS	35	MOTHER	3
BELLY	8
FACE/NOSE	5

Fill in the blank: You'd hate for your pharmacist to say loudly, "Your prescription for ______ is ready!"

VIAGRA/E.D.	42	BIRTH CONTROL	4
STD/HERPES	28	HORMONES/MENOPAUSE	4
EPIC HEMORRHOIDS	11
ITCH/RASH	7

If you owned 101 dalmatians, you'd probably have to buy 101 what?

COLLARS	41	BAGS OF FOOD/BONES	6
LEASHES	25	TOYS	3
BOWLS	14
BEDS	7

Tell me why you're blindfolded.

GAME/PIN THE TAIL...	41	SLEEP/BLOCK LIGHT	5
FOR A SURPRISE	21	FIRING SQUAD	4
S&M	15
KIDNAPPED	10

Name something you buy for a birthday party that you might also buy for a divorce party.

CHAMPAGNE/BOOZE	40	NOISEMAKER/FIREWORK	4
CAKE	29	STRIPPER	3
A CARD/GIFTS	11
BALLOONS/DECOR	9

We asked 100 men...
What would you do if your girlfriend decided to go natural and threw away her razor?

DUMP HER	38	BUY HER RAZOR/NAIR	9
NOTHING/LOVE IT	16	FREAK OUT	7
THROW MINE AWAY	15
DISCUSS	11

Name an office supply a person swallows as a joke that's not so funny when it comes out the other end.

PAPER CLIP	37	PEN/PENCIL	8
STAPLES/STAPLER	31	RUBBER BAND	3
THUMBTACK	9
CRUMPLED PAPER	8

If a stripper called herself Goldilocks, name a prop she might use in her act.

BLONDE WIG	37	3 CHAIRS	6
3 BEARS	30	HAIRBRUSH	2
BOWL OF PORRIDGE	15
3 BEDS	6

Name a specific reason a child might tell someone they look like a horse.

BIG TEETH	37	KID'S RUDE DOUCHE	4
LONG FACE	30	PONYTAIL/HAIR	4
NOSE/NOSTRILS	13
BIG/TALL	8

Name something specific a doctor might put in your bottom.

A FINGER OR 2	35	SHOT/NEEDLE	8
THERMOMETER	26	SCOPE/COLONSCOPE	7
AN ENEMA	10
SUPPOSITORY	10

Name something a kid uses to practice the art of kissing.

MIRROR	25	FOOD/PEACH	10
PILLOW	22	BALLOON	2
HAND/ARM	20
DOLL/TEDDY BEAR	17

Name something you bring to the party that makes you the life of the party.

BOOZE	71	WEED/DRUGS	3
TUNES/A BANJO	8	GAMES/TWISTER	3
FOOD/GUAC	6
WINNING PERSONALITY	4

Grandma said, "The last time I made love in the back seat of a car, I broke my" what?

HIP/BONE/SPINE	67	ZIPPER/CLOTHES	4
CAR/SEAT	8	TEETH	3
JEWELRY	7
GLASSES	6

We asked 100 women...
Name something Santa Claus has that you wouldn't want your man to have.

CHUBBY BELLY	64	ELVES	2
BUSHY BEARD	21	LONG WHITE HAIR	2
REINDEER	3
HIS JOB/SCHEDULE	3

Fill in the blank: Santa Claus said, "I don't clean my ______ -- I have the elves do that."

SLEIGH	61	BODY	5
SUIT/BOOTS	10	WORKSHOP	4
HOUSE/TOILET	9
REINDEER/STALLS	6

Name a reason people stay in touch with an ex.

FOR THE KIDS	60	TO COLLECT $	7
BOOTY CALL	9	DUMB & DESPERATE	3
STILL LOVE/MISS	9
BEST PALS	7

Name something that's a lot easier to put on than it is to take off.

CLOTHES/SWIMSUIT	54	NAIL POLISH	3
MAKEUP	18	BAND-AID	3
WEIGHT	14
RING	3

Name the worst kind of music to listen to when you have a hangover.

ROCK/METAL	52	TECHNO/EDM	3
RAP/HIP-HOP	25	OPERA/CLASSICAL	3
COUNTRY	9
JAZZ	3

We asked 100 women...
Name something a squirrel and your man have in common.

NUTS!/LOVE NUTS	51	ALWAYS HUNGRY	2
HAIRY BOD/TAIL	28	SHORT ATTN. SPAN	2
CUTE FACE/BUCK TEETH	8
RUN/FAST EXIT	4

Name something about Tarzan that Cheeta might make fun of behind his back.

LOINCLOTH	51	POOR GRAMMAR	4
BODY/POSTURE	15	CAN'T RUN FAST	3
HIS YELL	11
LONG HAIR	11

Name something Bigfoot probably complains about.

HIS FEET/NO SHOES	50	WEATHER	3
PEOPLE/BEING HUNTED	25	FLEAS/TICKS	2
HAIRY	10
FINDING FOOD	5

Name the worst city to be in if you have no money.

NEW YORK CITY	47	SAN FRANCISCO	3
LAS VEGAS	36	CHICAGO	2
LOS ANGELES	4
PARIS	3

Tell me something a man named Rod has that might make the ladies call him Hot Rod.

FAST CAR	43	SEXY SLICK HAIR	2
HOT BOD/ROBUST ROD	38	FLIRTING SKILLS	2
DREAMY FACE	5
MOTORCYCLE	5

When grandma's mad at grandpa, she turns off his what?

HEARING AID	42	PHONE	4
TV	30	RADIO	3
PACEMAKER	9
OXYGEN	7

Name something you like to put on your naked body.

LOTION/OIL	40	WHIPPED CREAM	3
CLOTHES/ROBE	35	WARM WATER	3
HOT NUDE LOVER	9
SOAP	5

Name a reason the groom was crying at the wedding.

JOY/HOT BRIDE	30	BRIDE CHEATED	3
DOESN'T WANNA MARRY	30	ONION-BASED ENTREE	2
RUNAWAY BRIDE	24
SAW THE BILL	6

We asked 100 married men...
What do you want for Christmas that you know your wife won't give you?

CAR/R.V.	27	SILENCE	5
HER BOD!	26	MORE ALLOWANCE	3
MISTRESS/A 3RD	22
BIG-SCREEN TV	12

Fill in the blank: A wife might tell her ex's new girlfriend, "Careful -- he ______s a lot."

CHEATS/DATES	27	DRINKS	7
CUTS THE CHEESE	24	MAKES MESSES	2
LIES	22
SNORES	13

If you had a pumpkin for a head, name something someone might try to do to it.

CARVE IT	77	GUT IT	2
SMASH/CHUCK IT	5	DRAW ON/PAINT IT	2
LIGHT CANDLE	4
EAT/MAKE PIE	4

Instead of something comfortable, what sexy thing does a man wish his wife would slip into?

LINGERIE/THONG	61	S&M GEAR/SARAN WRAP	3
B-DAY SUIT	16	HOOKER HEELS	2
BED/THE SHEETS	9
T-SHIRT/HIS	3

Tell me an animal you'd hate to meet while you're out hiking.

BEAR	51	LION	4
MTN. LION	21	MOTHER-IN-LAW	3
SNAKE	10
WOLF	5

If a dog designed his own doghouse, what would he want to have inside it?

FOOD/FRIDGE	47	TOYS	4
BEDDING/FURNITURE	27	FIRE HYDRANT	3
HEAT/AC	8
WATER	5

Name something a naked fireman has to be more careful doing on the job.

FIGHTING FIRE	39	SWINGING AXE	10
HANDLING HOSE	21	RESCUING FEISTY CAT	2
GOING DOWN POLE	11
CLIMB'G LADDER	11

Name a game show where you'd like to see players take their clothes off for every wrong answer.

FAMILY FEUD	36	MATCH GAME	3
JEOPARDY!	32	THE PRICE IS RIGHT	3
WHEEL OF FORTUNE	13
WHO...MILLIONAIRE?	7

We asked 100 married women...
Fill in the blank: You know your husband loves you if he still kisses you when you're ______.

SLEEPING	35	CRANKY/MAD	10
SICK/MID-VOMIT	18	WEAR'G MUD MASK	7
CRYING	14
SWEATY/B.O.	10

Name something specific about a flamingo that a mockingbird might mock.

PINK	30	BIG BEAK	5
LONG SCRAWNY LEGS	23	ITS STRUT	5
STANDS ON 1 LEG	21
LONG NECK	10

We asked 100 married women...
What would you do if you found a bag of weed in your husband's car?

TOSS/FLUSH IT	27	CALL POLICE	5
CONFRONT/YELL	24	TELL HIM TO SHARE	5
STEAL & SMOKE IT	23
NOTHING	10

We asked 100 parents...
So as not to set a bad example, name something you don't do until the kids are asleep.

BEER BONG	22	TV/RACY FLICK	16
SHAG/ON TABLE	18	SMOKE CIGAR/CIG	5
YELL/CUSS	17
PIG OUT/CANDY	16

Name a place you feel comfortable using a curse word.

HOME	70	SPORTS EVENT	3
THE BAR	9	MY CAR	3
WORK	4
CHURCH	4

People shake their booties. Which animals shake their tails?

DOGS	67	HORSES	3
CATS	9	SQUIRRELS	2
BIRDS/PEACOCKS	9
SNAKES	3

A female secret agent might have a bra that can do what?

SHOOT/TEAR GAS	63	TALK/MAKE CALL	5
HIDE STUFF	9	STOP BULLETS	4
PICS/RECORD	7
EXPLODE	5

We asked 100 women...
Name an instrument in an orchestra that sounds like your guy in the bathroom.

TUBA	62	BASSOON	4
TRUMPET	13	TROMBONE	3
DRUM	7
OBOE	4

Matzo ball soup is great. But name a kind of ball you wouldn't want to find in your soup.

GOLF/SPORTS BALL	53	SPITBALL	2
HAIRBALL	20	EYEBALL	2
NADS	9
MOTHBALL	7

We asked 100 men...
My mother said she found the perfect girl for me. Unfortunately, she's just like my mother when it comes to her what?

BOSSY 'TUDE	51	CLOTHES/BLOOMERS	4
COOKING	16	CLEANLINESS	2
FACE/WRINKLY	15
IRKSOME VOICE	5

We asked 100 women...
Name a reason you will never be cast as a "Baywatch" lifeguard.

TOO PUDGY	49	CAN'T RUN/IN SLO-MO	3
TINY PANCAKE BOOBS	15	SCAR	2
CAN'T SWIM	13
ELDERLY/OVER 30	11

The devil says, "It's easy to get a man to sell me his soul. I just offer him" what?

SEX/CHICKS/LOVE	44	FOOD/A BURGER	3
MONEY	33	FAME	3
POWER	6
BOOZE	4

Name something it might be hard to do if you literally had two left feet.

WALK/RUN	40	BALANCE	2
DANCE	34	KICK A BALL	2
BUY/WEAR SHOES	13
TURN RIGHT	2

Name something that Steve Harvey might wax.

HEAD	39	THE HARVEY "JEWELS"	5
STACHE/BEARD	23	CHEST	4
HIS 16 CARS	12
EYEBROWS	10

Name something that's okay for your doctor to ask you to do but not your boss.

DROP 'EM!	38	TURN HEAD/COUGH	5
BEND OVER	25	OPEN WIDE/SAY AAH	4
ANSWER PERSONAL ?'S	11
LOSE WEIGHT	10

Name a specific occasion when a man might keep his gut sucked in the entire time.

DATE/HOTTIE NEARBY	36	HAVING PIC TAKEN	6
SWIM'G/BEACH	26	CLASS REUNION	3
WEDDING	16
WORKING OUT	6

Name something a farmer might be holding in his online dating photo.

PITCHFORK	34	HAT	5
ANIMAL/PIGLET	26	HOE	5
CROP/ZUCCHINI	17
RAKE	6

A woman doesn't want to kiss a man if he has a what?

FOUL ODOR/BREATH	33	WIFE/BAE	5
MOUTH SORE/ILL	32	BAD/JACKED TOOTH	4
MUSTACHE	13
WAD OF CHEW	6

We asked 100 women...
Give me a word starting with L that describes your bottom.

LARGE	33	LUMPY	13
LUSCIOUS/LUSH	18	LOVED	2
LITTLE	14
LOVELY	13

We asked 100 men...
Be honest -- what part of you is below average?

HAIR/HAIRLINE	31	AMOEBA-SIZED IQ	3
BELLY/1-PACK	25	WEAK FURRY BACK	3
HEIGHT	21
KEN DOLL DONG	10

We asked 100 married men...
Between us, if you ever divorce your wife, it will be because of her what?

TEMPER/NAGGY 'TUDE	27	CHEATING ON ME	14
SPENDING/FINANCES	19	MOTHER	5
SNORING	14
COOKING	14

To make up for not giving them hair, God gave all bald men a better what?

PERSONALITY	26	STACHE/BEARD	7
BODY/WEENIE SIZE	25	INCOME/JOB	5
SMILE/FACE	20
HEAD SHAPE/SCALP	10

Name an outdoor winter activity you'd be surprised to see a nudist doing.

SKI/SNOWBOARD	61	ICE-SKATE	5
SLED/TUBING	10	POLAR PLUNGE/SWIM	4
MAKE SNOW ANGELS	7
ICE FISH	5

Name something other than your lips that's involved with the best kiss ever.

TONGUE	60	EAR	2
HANDS/ARMS/HUGS	18	THE MIND	2
NECK	6
EYES	4

Name a reason that Superman doesn't date much.

BUSY/FLYING	58	PERVY X-RAY VISION	6
SECRET IDENTITY	11	SUIT/CAPE ISSUES	4
THAT WENCH, LOIS	7
CRUSHES DATES	6

I could win a contest for having the ugliest what?

BODY/FEET	45	CLOTHES	4
FACE/NOSE	27	CAR/TRUCK	2
DOG/PET	8
SPOUSE/MATE	6

A woman might tell a sexy vampire, "Forget my neck -- bite me on my" what?

MILK WAGONS	43	EAR	6
PLUMP RUMP	24	BELLY	3
THIGH/LEG	8
LIPS/MOUTH	8

We asked 100 married people...
The longer you're married, the more you enjoy doing what alone?

SLEEPING	28	SHOPPING	5
TV/MOVIE	27	SEX	4
READING	16
EATING	12

Name something all wicked witches have in common.

SPELLS/POTIONS	20	THE CACKLE	9
BROOM	19	HAT/BLACK GARB	9
UGLY/WARTY	18
UH...THEY'RE WICKED	17

We asked 100 women...
It doesn't matter how hot a guy is if his voice sounds like which Muppet?

KERMIT	60	ELMO	3
MISS PIGGY	11	COOKIE MONSTER	3
BEAKER	9
ANIMAL	5

Name something specific of his mother's a man wears to feel closer to her.

JEWELRY/PEARLS	58	BLANKET	3
SWEATER	12	PANTIES/LINGERIE	3
HANKIE/SCARF	10
BLOUSE/T-SHIRT	5

When a stripper gets married, what might her bridesmaids be wearing?

THONGS/LINGERIE	55	GLITTER	3
PASTIES/TASSELS	11	STRIPPER HEELS	3
NOTHING	10
DRESSES	9

Name something a wife gives her husband that makes him a happy chappie.

HOT NOONER!	52	MASSAGE	4
FAVE FOOD	18	WEEKEND OFF/TO DATE	4
BEER/A COSMO	7
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE	6

Tell me something you'd hate to have happen while you're making love in a car.

THE COPS!	51	CAR GETS HIT	3
CAR ROLLS/OFF CLIFF	19	ALARM GOES OFF	2
PEOPLE SEE/WATCH	9
HONK THE HORN	7

Name one thing a naked circus clown might be wearing.

RED NOSE	50	HAT	4
MAKEUP/FREAKY SMILE	19	CANDY CONDOM	4
WIG	8
CLOWN SHOES	6

Susan said, "I dated a doctor last night, and he kept checking my" what?

PULSE/HEARTBEAT	44	LUNG CAPACITY	2
TEMP	27	BLOOD PRESSURE	2
BOOBS	11
TONSILS/MOUTH	5

Tell me something that's fun to do even if you're not good at it.

SPORTS/BOWL	39	ARTS & CRAFTS/SEW	4
DANCE	16	SHAG	3
SING/KARAOKE	15
GAMES/GAMBLE	14

Tell me one thing grandma might remove when she slips into something more comfortable.

CHOMPERS	35	STOCKINGS	3
BRA/FLOPPER STOPPER	29	APRON	2
SHOES	13
GIRDLE	9

Name something a wife would be wearing that she'd kill her husband if he took her picture.

LINGERIE/NIGHTIE	35	CURLERS	6
NOTHIN'!	23	JAMMIES/ROBE	5
BIKINI	11
FACE MASK/CREAM	11

What's your favorite thing to have covered in chocolate?

STRAWBERRY/FRUIT	34	ME/WIFE'S BOOBS	8
ICE CREAM	17	PRETZELS	5
CANDY/CARAMEL	14
NUTS	13

Name a part of your lover's body that looks better when the lights are dimmed.

GUT/WAIST	33	FEET	4
POORLY-WIPED BUTT	23	"LAND DOWN UNDER"	3
FACE/EYES	17
CHEST	11

Fill in the blank: The hair on Susan's legs is so thick that she ______s it.

BRAIDS/WEAVES	31	CUTS W/ SCISSORS	7
COMBS/BRUSHES	19	CURLS	6
SHAVES	16
MOWS/WEEDWACKS	12

We asked 100 married men...
Name something you'd be disturbed to discover your wife had bought without telling you.

CAR/MACK TRUCK	30	TRIP WITHOUT ME	11
PET/ALPACA	15	YACHT	9
JEWELRY	13
SEPARATE HOUSE	13

Name something a man who's self-conscious about his weight might do to look thin.

WEAR BLACK	24	SUCK IN GUT	11
BAGGY/UNTUCK	23	SKINNY MIRROR	4
GIRDLE/TIGHT GARB	18
DIET/EXERCISE	11

Name something that's not appropriate to wear to a funeral even if it's black.

BIKINI/TRUNKS	22	TEE/HALTER TOP	10
MINISKIRT/SEXY DRESS	22	FISHNETS	2
LINGERIE/THONG	21
SHORT SHORTS	14

Name a way a wife might be able to tell that her husband wore a pair of her panties.

STRETCHED OUT	62	THEY'RE TORN	3
CURIOUS ODOR	12	FOLDED WRONG	3
DIRTY/SKID MARK	7
SHE SEES HIM	3

Name something you'd be surprised your lover asked you to do to their feet.

KISS/LICK 'EM	61	CLIP TOENAILS	4
RUB 'EM	10	SMELL 'EM	3
WASH/CLEAN TOE JAM	7
TICKLE 'EM	5

Name something your ex stuck you with.

BILLS/ALIMONY	59	EVIL PET	6
TEARS/BAD MEMORIES	9	HERPES/6 STD'S	4
NOTHING/TOOK ALL	6
ROTTEN KID	6

Name something you'd spend a lot of time standing behind on your first day at a nudist colony.

TREE/PLANT	58	BAR/COUNTER	3
ANOTHER NUDIST	13	SIGN	3
TOWEL/BLANKET	8
FURNITURE	5

Name something the doctor at the nudist camp urgent care might be wearing.

STETHOSCOPE	57	LOINCLOTH/UNDIES	4
MASK/SHIELD	15	SUNSCREEN	4
B-DAY SUIT	5
RUBBER GLOVES	5

We asked 100 men...
In your nightmares, you're naked in bed with a woman who looks just like your who?

MOM	41	BOSS/COWORKER	7
MOTHER-IN-LAW	18	SISTER	5
WIFE	11
EX	8

We asked 100 married women...
Name a reason you never miss your husband.

HE NEVER LEAVES	37	HE YAPS NONSTOP	6
DO WHAT I WANT/SPACE	16	HE FARTS/SMELLS	4
HE SNORES	14
HE'S A GROUCH	13

My carpenter became a dentist and took out my wisdom teeth with a what?

PAIR OF PLIERS	33	SAW	7
HAMMER/JACKHAMMER	21	WRENCH	5
DRILL	14
CHISEL	10

At the funeral director's house, he has some beautiful coffins that he uses as what?

BEDS	28	STORAGE	9
PLANTERS/FOR WEED	19	SEATING	7
TABLES	15
DECORATION/DISPLAY	12

If Santa Claus upgraded to a jet, what would he do with his reindeer?

RETIRE/FIRE 'EM	26	PETTING ZOO	7
BRING ON JET	22	SELL/TO GLUE FACTORY	6
KEEP AS PETS	18
SHOOT/EAT 'EM	11

We asked 100 married men...
Fill in the blank: You'd be alarmed if your baby was starting to look like the ______ man.

THE MAILMAN	26	THE BATMAN	10
THE MILKMAN	18	THE GARBAGE MAN	9
SPIDER-MAN	15
THE MICHELIN MAN	12

Name something you'd be shocked that your boss gave everyone at work.

RAISES/MONEY	74	CARS	3
FRENCH KISSES	4	PRAISE	2
TIME OFF	3
PROMOTIONS	3

Name something a little kid might sell at his "I'm running away from home" sale.

TOYS	47	SIBLING	7
BED/BEDDING	13	LEMONADE	6
GARB/MOM'S UNDIES	8
BOOKS/COMICS	8

Fill in the blank: You might say to yourself, "When did my ______ get so big?"

BELLY/WAIST	44	DEBT/BILLS	3
BUTT/SPHINCTER	27	EGO/"HEAD"	3
NOSE/HONKER	8
FEET/TOES	4

Name something that came flying out of grandma's cleavage when she sneezed hard.

TISSUE/SNOT RAG	38	CELL PHONE	4
CASH/COIN PURSE	33	CRITTERS/FLIES	3
FOOD/HAM SLICE	7
NECKLACE	4

We asked 100 women...
Fill in the blank: Sure, I'll go camping as long as there's a ______ in our tent.

BED/AIR MATTRESS	38	GUN/WEAPON	3
BATHROOM/SHOWER	32	TV/LIFETIME MOVIE	3
HEATER/AC	10
MIRROR	3

Name a place where someone might be singing like a canary.

JAIL/POLICE STN.	37	CHURCH	5
SHOWER	27	KARAOKE BAR	5
COURT	9
CONCERT/MUSICAL	6

We asked 100 men...
Other than money, name something a rich guy has more of than you do.

CARS/JAGS	33	EGO	10
HOUSES	17	FRIENDS	7
BABES	11
INFLUENCE/FAME	11

No kid wants to trick-or-treat at a house that gives out what?

FRUIT/HEALTH FOOD	57	BOOK/SCIENTOLOGY GUIDE	4
TOOTHBRUSH/PASTE	12	PENNIES	3
LAME CANDY	6
PENCIL/PEN	6

We asked 100 men...
Name something you'd be surprised a 100-year-old man does faster than you.

WALK/RUN A 10K	55	TEXT	3
MOW THE LAWN	10	THINK	2
SWIM	9
BOINK	9

Name something Itty Bitty Betty put in her bra to give herself a bigger, better bust.

TISSUE/T.P.	54	BALLOONS	3
SOCKS/STOCKINGS	17	MELON GELATIN	3
FALSIES/PADS	8
ORANGES	3

Name something specific a man might swallow right before he goes to prison so it comes out later.

DRUGS	41	POCKETKNIFE	6
KEY TO CELL	16	LOCK PICK	4
PHONE	11
MONEY	10

Fill in the blank: After grandma smoked a joint, she started ______ing like crazy.

EAT/COOKING	30	COUGHING	4
LAUGHING	22	SINGING/SNOOP SONGS	3
TALK/CUSSING	15
DANCE/TWERKING	14

Name something you'd hate to realize you peed on when you came home drunk last night.

BED	27	SOFA	9
FLOOR/PERSIAN RUG	18	BAE/FAMILY	9
ME/MY CLOTHES	13
DOG/PET	12

Tony is a real lowlife. For Valentine's Day, he stole two ______s -- one for his wife and the other for his girlfriend.

ROSES	24	CARS	8
BOXES OF CANDY	23	STUFFED ANIMALS	4
RINGS/JEWELRY	16
CARDS	13

We asked 100 women...
Name something your dog never complains about, unlike your man.

FOOD/MY COOKING	55	CUDDLING/PET'G	4
HOUSEKEEPING	11	OUR WALKS	3
NO SEX LIFE	7
MY WEIGHT/ODD BOD	7

We asked 100 parents...
Name something you might start doing to get your adult-aged kids to finally move out of the house.

CHARGE RENT	50	MOVE/SELL HOUSE	3
PRANCE NUDE	19	PAY 'EM OFF	3
"CLEAN! DO LAUNDRY!"	7
LOCK 'EM OUT	5

The laziest man in the world thinks it's too much effort to change what?

UNDIES/CLOTHES	48	BED SHEETS	5
LIGHT BULB	15	T.P. ROLL	5
TV CHANNEL	8
BAD HABITS	6

Name something a wife might do to every pair of her cheating husband's underwear.

CUT/RIP UP	42	DYE THEM/PINK	4
BURN THEM	21	WRITE HER NAME	3
ITCHING POWDER	9
THROW AWAY	8

Name a gift a woman's rich boyfriend gets her that makes her feel like she's on a game show.

BRAND NEW CAAAR!	36	DESIGNER OUTFIT	3
DIAMOND/JEWELRY	32	80-INCH TV	3
APPLIANCE/WASHER	7
CRUISE/VACAY	6

Name a sin you'd commit in heaven that might get you sent straight to hell.

HO AROUND/LUST	34	STEAL/ALL THE HALOS	5
SWEAR/LORD'S NAME	23	GLUTTONY	3
MURDER	15
LIE	7

Fill in the blank: You're not proud of it, but you have eaten an entire ______ in one sitting.

PIZZA	33	PIE	9
CAKE/CHEESECAKE	15	CANDY/BAR	5
TUB OF ICE CREAM	14
BAG OF CHIPS	11

What's the worst thing to find inside of your house?

ROACHES/BUGS	32	MOLD	7
RATS/MICE	28	DIRT	3
PERSON/MOM-IN-LAW	9
SNAKE	8

Name something you might put on your boss's chair the day you plan on quitting.

WHOOPEE CUSHION	23	STEAMY DUMP	8
TACK/PIN	22	FOOD/GUM/EGG	7
LETTER/CARD	18
SUPER GLUE	9

We asked 100 women...
When you can't find your rollers, what can you use instead to curl your hair?

CURLING/FLAT IRON	50	MARKERS/PENS	5
CANS/BEER CANS	13	STRAWS	4
CLOTH/RAGS	8
BOBBY PINS	6

Fill in the blank: No, I wasn't caught in the rain. I went to the zoo and a ______ sneezed on me.

ELEPHANT	50	HIPPO	6
CAMEL	9	LLAMA	5
APE/MONKEY	9
GIRAFFE	7

Name something Steve Harvey's son might do just like dear old dad.

COMEDY/HOST	48	LADIES' MAN/3 WIVES	5
LAUGH/SMILE	16	DRESS	5
SHAVE HEAD	6
GROW STACHE	6

Name something you'd want to take with you if you stayed overnight at a cemetery.

LIGHT/CANDLE	47	COMPANY/A PRIEST	5
WEAPON	13	VIDEO CAMERA	3
PILLOW/BLANKET	10
CROSS/ROSARY	8

Give me a nickname a man might call his wife with the word "sweet" in it.

SWEETHEART	44	SWEET BUNS/ARSE	4
SWEET CHEEKS	19	SWEET PEA	3
SWEETIE/PIE	12
SWEET LIPS	4

Fill in the blank: A woman married for 70 years said, "I credit our long marriage to ______ing my husband every day."

KISSING/HUGGING	36	TALK'G TO/THREATEN'G	8
IGNORING	19	LOVING	6
BOINKING	9
FEEDING	8

Name something you wish you'd had a different one of on your wedding day.

SPOUSE	33	BRIDESMAID/BEST MAN	5
DRESS/TUX/GARB	23	VENUE	5
RING	11
PHOTOGRAPHER/PIC	9

Name something you'd find at grandma's place that tells you she's a bad grandma.

DRUGS/METH LAB	33	BAD CANDY/FOOD	5
BATHTUB GIN	18	CONDOMS/40-PACK	4
WHIP/SEX TOY	18
GUN/TASER	8

Name a holiday where you hope you'll have a good time but you never do.

NEW YEAR'S	33	HALLOWEEN	6
CHRISTMAS	17	4TH OF JULY	5
THANKSGIVING	15
VALENTINE'S DAY	10

We asked 100 men...
Tell me the sexiest thing to watch a woman eat.

BANANA	32	WHIPPED CREAM	7
ICE CREAM/POPSICLE	19	BREADSTICK	5
STRAWBERRY	13
CUCUMBER	10

Name something a vampire might have more than one of.

COFFINS	27	BRIDES/DATES	7
FANGS/TEETH	27	VICTIMS	4
VIALS OF BLOOD	13
CAPES	8

Name something that might be full of holes.

SWISS CHEESE	45	NET	5
CLOTHES	14	SPONGE	3
COLANDER/STRAINER	12
ALIBI/STORY	6

If you become a nudist, name a place that you might not be welcome anymore.

CHURCH	45	FAMILY/FRIEND HOUSE	6
MALL/GROCERY	12	MY OWN HOME	4
EATERY/BUFFET	11
SCHOOL	7

After you die, name something you'd hate for someone to do to your grave.

PEE/DROP A DEUCE	43	IGNORE/FORGET IT	4
SPIT ON IT	16	WALK/STOMP ON IT	3
DIG UP/MOVE IT	14
DANCE ON IT	5

As long as you live, name someone you never want to accidentally see naked.

MY PARENTS	41	STEVE HARVEY	4
MY GRANDPARENTS	18	MY SIBLING	4
POLITICIAN	13
MY IN-LAW	5

Name a kind of paper that a dumb guy might use to roll a joint.

TOILET PAPER	39	WAX PAPER	3
NEWSPAPER	19	WRAP/TISSUE PAPER	3
SHEET OF PAPER	12
$/A BENJAMIN	9

Name something some men can store under their man boobs.

$/WALLET/I.D.	36	CIGS/CIGARS	5
SNACK/CHEESE	25	ODOROUS SWEAT	4
PEN/PENCIL	8
THE REMOTE	7

Name someone you'd be shocked just patted you on the bottom.

BOSS	35	CELEB/STEVE	7
CLERGY/PASTOR	20	MY IN-LAW	5
STRANGER/PERV	11
PARENTS	7

If two of Santa's elves got into a fight, name something one of them might use as a weapon.

CANDY CANE	27	POINTY SHOES/GARB	7
TOYS/BAT	27	SNOWBALL/ICE	6
HAMMER/TOOL	10
ANTLERS/REINDEER	8

Steve Harvey has probably hired a special person whose sole job is to do what for him?

SHINE/SHAVE HEAD	25	DRIVE HIM	5
GROOM 'STACHE	23	COOK	5
DRESS HIM	20
WRITE/APPROVE JOKES	7

We asked 100 women...
Give me a word starting with S that would describe your man in a Speedo.

SEXY	44	STRANGE	3
SILLY	16	SKINNY	3
SCARY	10
SLOPPY	8

Name something that's been up your nose.

A FINGER	39	TISSUE	8
A BUG	14	SWAB/COVID TEST	5
SNOT/BOOGER	9
NASAL SPRAY	9

Name something a wife might find in her husband's car after he's been to a strip club.

WAD O' SINGLES	28	LOVE GLOVE	4
GLITTER/SEQUINS	25	BUSINESS CARD	3
G-STRING	20
MATCHBOOK	4

What would you put in your sandwich if people at work were always eating your lunch?

HOT SAUCE/PEPPER	47	SAND/CAT LITTER	3
LAXATIVE	18	BUG/MAGGOTS	2
SARDINES/FISH	10
HORSERADISH	3

Name something a lifeguard might be wearing when he works at a nude beach.

WHISTLE	43	VEST/PRESERVER	6
SUNSCREEN	15	TRUNKS	5
NADA/IMPISH SMILE	7
SUNGLASSES	7

What do you take to bed with you that you'd also like to take to heaven with you?

BAE/OF THE DAY	34	BOOK/KINDLE	5
PILLOW/BEDDING	18	MY BODY/MIND	5
DOG/PET	15
PHONE	6

Name something that gets rolled up.

JOINT	20	CARPET/RUG	10
BURRITO/FOOD	18	SLEEVES/CLOTHES	8
SLEEPING BAG	14
NEWSPAPER	13

Name something you hope a houseguest brings so they don't use yours.

TOOTHBRUSH	37	SOAP/SHAMPOO	6
BOOZE	18	TOILET PAPER	5
TOWELS	9
CLOTHES/SPEEDO	7

Fill in the blank: You wouldn't want to go swimming if there's ______ in the water.

SHARK	31	PIRANHA	5
DOODY/WARM WHIZ	24	SNAKE	4
GATOR/CROC	13
JELLYFISH	5

In your fantasies, who are you pushing off a cliff?

MY EX	24	LOSER MATE	8
POLITICIAN	20	BULLY/WORST ENEMY	5
BOSS/COWORKER	15
MY IN-LAWS	10

Name something that starts with the word "breaking."

BREAKING BAD	50	BREAKING GLASS	4
BREAKING NEWS	15	BREAKING OUT	3
BREAKING UP	5
BREAKING POINT	4

Fill in the blank: A married man might say, "I'm spending more time with my mother-in-law ever since she told me she loves ______."

SPORTS	38	DRANKIN'!	3
COOKING/FOOD	18	DOGS	3
ME!/YOUNGER MEN	15
$$$/GIVING IT OUT	4

Name something you might not bend over to pick up at a nudist colony.

SOAP	37	TRASH	5
PENNY/CASH	18	CLOTHES/I'M A NUDIST	5
FOOD/DRINK	10
ANYTHING	6

Name something you'd do if your boss showed up to work naked.

LAUGH	30	COVER THEM UP	5
LEAVE/QUIT	27	GET NAKED TOO!	5
CALL 911/SECURITY	8
LOOK AWAY	6

Name a gift that pirates might give each other at Christmas.

EYE PATCHES	24	PARROTS	6
BOOTY/GOLD	18	HOOKS	4
RUM/BOOZE	17
SWORDS	12

Fill in the blank: Will you ever ______ me?

MARRY ME	31	FORGIVE ME	9
LOVE ME	16	TRUST/BELIEVE ME	4
LEAVE/DIVORCE ME	10
LISTEN TO ME	10

We asked 100 married men...
Name an animal noise you'd be surprised your wife asked you to make in the bedroom.

LION'S ROAR	20	HORSE'S WHINNY	11
ELEPHANT'S TRUMPET	13	DOG'S BARK	10
WOLF'S HOWL	13
TIGER'S GROWL	13

When you go to heaven and they search your luggage, be sure you're not bringing in what?

DRUGS/ANGEL DUST	22	SHADY PERSON	9
BOOZE	16	DEVIL/HORNS	7
DEVIL'S FOOD	13
DIRTY PIX	10

The Bride of Frankenstein said she married Frankie because of his sexy what?

NUTS & BOLTS	26	SQUARE HEAD SHAPE	9
FACE/SMILE	16	BUTT	4
HAIRCUT	10
VOICE/GRUNTS	10

We asked 100 women...
My man and I were getting ready to go on vacation until I saw he was packing what?

HEAT/GUN	20	TO MOVE OUT	7
A SPEEDO	15	CONDOMS	4
WORK/COMPUTER	15
GOLF CLUBS	12

Name a kind of car that most men want but will never be able to afford.

LAMBORGHINI	25	MASERATI	5
FERRARI	14	ROLLS-ROYCE	5
CORVETTE	13
PORSCHE	10

We asked 100 women...
Name something a guy is wearing that makes you turn him down flat for a date.

WEDDING RING	24	RAGGEDY CLOTHES	5
SOCKS & SANDALS	17	FEDORA HAT	4
WIG/MAN BUN	13
SKINNY/TACKY PANTS	8

Name something you pull.

WAGON/CART	33	TAFFY	4
DOOR	11	FINGER	4
HAIR	9
ROPE	5

Give me an ice cream flavor a stripper might use as her stage name.

CHERRY/JUBILEE	15	ROCKY ROAD	7
STRAWBERRY	14	MINT	7
VANILLA	12
CHOCOLATE	11

Give me a term of endearment a woman might call her man and her dog.

BABY	33	BUDDY	5
SWEETIE	11	LOVE/LOVEBUG	4
HONEY	7
BOO-BOO	5

What goes up that you'd be surprised if it didn't come back down?

BALL	21	MY WEENIE	6
BALLOON/HOT AIR...	14	INVESTMENTS	6
PLANE	12
ELEVATOR	6

We don't mean to be morbid, but what's the last food you'd like to eat before you die?

STEAK/PRIME RIB	21	ICE CREAM	7
PIZZA	14	CAKE	6
LOBSTER	9
CANDY/CHOCOLATES	8

Name something a man buys for himself because his wife refuses to buy it for him.

PORSCHE	20	X-RATED FLICK	8
TOOLS	11	SMOKES/CUBANS	6
OVERALLS/CLOTHES	11
VIDEO GAME/SYSTEM	9

If a weatherman described your boss's personality, what weather term would he use?

STORMY	26	CALM	4
CLOUDY	20	COLD	4
SUNNY	5
HURRICANE	4

Name something a friend gets that you might say, "That's the biggest one I've ever seen."

FISH/FOOD	26	DIAMOND/RING	5
CAR/TRUCK	14	TV	5
HOUSE	7
ZIT	6

Name something you could do that would finally make your mother proud.

GET JOB/AS DOCTOR	19	HAVE/RAISE KID	6
GET HITCHED	17	MOVE OUT	5
GRADUATE	9
CLEAN/DO LAUNDRY	7

Name the sport that most resembles your lovemaking style.

WRESTLING	19	RUN/100-YD. DASH	7
TENNIS/MIXED DOUBLES	10	HORSE RACING	7
FOOTBALL	9
GOLF	9

Name a favor a best friend might ask of you and you'd say no.

LEND MONEY	33	BORROW CAR	4
LIE/COVER FOR 'EM	9	MURDER SOMEONE	4
SEX/SWAP MATES	6
BABYSIT	4

Name a successfully funny man who really does laugh all the way to the bank.

STEVE HARVEY	20	JAY LENO	7
JERRY SEINFELD	13	ADAM SANDLER	5
JIM CARREY	8
CHRIS ROCK	7

If Steve Harvey became president, he'd make sure Air Force One had what on board?

A BAR	20	MUSTACHE COMB	5
TV/ONLY HIS SHOWS	15	RANDOM BABES	5
TASTY VITTLES	7
CLOSET OF SUITS/GARB	5

Name something a wife would be holding that would really get her husband's attention.

LINGERIE	18	TOY/TO USE ON HIM	6
HIS PEE PEE	12	FOOD/A BANANA	6
A GUN	8
A KNIFE	7

Name a place where you might say, "I don't want to go in there."

HAUNTED HOUSE	21	SKETCHY BAR/CLUB	6
CAVE	12	NASTY BATHROOM	5
FUNERAL HOME	6
THE SLAMMER	6

Back to index